My First Experience
By: Mary Thomas
My first experience was when I got on this ride called vertical velocity when my family and went to Six Flags Great America. I was scared to get on the ride at first. I was watching everybody that was on the ride before me and I was like I do not see how they can do that. It was our turn to get on and I was a little nervous. I was next to my cousin and he was like there was nothing to be worried about. I was like ok. They strapped us in real tight. Now it time for take off. It took off a little fast when it went up to the first side, when it came down and went to the other side it went extra fast. I thought my stomach was about to come out my body. It was really fun. The reason why I did not want to get on any of the rides because I was watching a movie called final destation 3 when all those rides were falling apart. This was a reason why I did not want to get on a ride even though that was and it was not real but, it can probably happen in real life not to jinx any one. I wanted to get on that ride a few more times before I left. That ride was to fun but, instead of getting back on there I got on the giant drop. That ride was
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10 comments:
The story was interesting. I like the way you talked about the ride. I like the way you started the story off. I think next time she should watch your grammer.
this was kind of dry and silly. you told us a whole story about when you were in line about to get on a rollercoster. that was silly and you are a clown for writting this story. Derrick Hearns
well the only thing that i think you should do when you're writing your bell ringers is to proof read and take your time while you are doing it. Jammal Fisher
the story was ok ,but it was to many periods instead of commas. other than that the story was ok.
You need to proofread your work and check ur sentences.
Wyzell Boddy
The story was o.k. but the first sentence was messed up, and the story had to many periods in it. You should had read over it before you published it on the computer.
Leandre
The only thing i think you need to do is proof read. the story was good.
LaCole Anderson
the story was ok but your sentences ran off a little.like when u said i was watching everybody that was on the before me and i was like i do not see how they can do that.if u let someone read it over it would be better.good job anyway michael holman
the story was ok. I liked the topic, i think it was a great first experiance. it did have a few run on senteces like ( i was watching everybody that was on the ride before me and i was like i do not see how they can do that
Kenya Lockett
terrell taylor sent at 12:33
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