"hallown night"
diane miller
Diane miler
January, 17, 2007
4th period
Halloween night
One night my mother and her baby daddy was going to a Halloween party at one of their friends .she left a note on the table telling me to pick up lisa, tete and jr . I ask myself what I am going to do .I got to go get my little brother because my mother got to go to work. Before I can get all of my thought out the door open .Diane is you going to take to my friend house .no because mother did tell me what to do with me .you better call her because I am about to walk out the door .where is you about to go I am about to take te-te and jr home. Why ant they going to stay here with you and meme no they mother want them home with there aunt nikkie. What did mother say and don’t lie .she said for you to take me to my friend house for the weekend and come back and get me. Well get your stuff and meet me in the yard. At that time Diane and her cousin was in the yard just talk before you know it they was at the front going out the gate .where is you about to go .take lisa to her friend house .take te-te and jr home .then go get my little brother and bring him back here .I want to go .ask you mother can you and if she yes me and you can get some pizza and look at that movie that come no tonight. Meanwhile why laura was going to ask her mother te-te told diane that she was getting cold. Ok baby we about to go let me go get laura. Laura I have to go and take them to there aunt before there aunt go. Let me get my keys and coat and then we can go. At that time diane and the people she was dropping off was walking down the street .the first we is going to take Lisa to her friend then take jr and te-te home thane to pick up my little brother. Let get on the road because I have to be back in the house be for the street light come on .girl we will be back before than .diane had did every thing that her mother had told her to do but go get her litter brother .diane you do all the thing that your mother to do laura said .yes so where is your little brother he is on the side of me laura .no he not because you didn’t go get him. Yes I did no you did all that right I did go get him .but I am going to get him. Let me see your cell phone so I can my mother and to tell him to be ready .as I got off the bus I saw him and my mother going to the bust stop. Hey meme do you got all you stuff yes I do let go home then ok by mama. As they got to the front door diane almost for got that they had Laura so she call her name and she did not answer before you known diane and meme was so scared that they almost fell down .and be for the end of the day was over diane was in her mother bed sleep.
8 comments:
carolyn green
i really don't understand your story. you have alot of errors in your story. i feel that you was just trying to put something together at the last minute and that's what you did. you need to improve on your writting skills.
Sharocka Malone
I do not get your story because words are not spelled rigt or they not in the right spot I think you should have took a minute in look over your story.
Danielle McNulty
The story was alright. it had a beginning, middle, and an end. it also had a plot to go along with the story line. the only think that was wrong was you didnt use correct sentence fragments and some of your work had missing words so the sentence didnt make sense.
By Kenneth Anderson
I had a slightly difficult time with your story, because you had quite a few spelling errors and your words were placed wrong. The thing that I don't get is that, not only were your words placed wrong, but you were also missing words. I'm sure if you practice, take time to look over your work and put forth a better effort, then you'll do better.
Tatiana Lewis
i liked your story it was a good one,at the beginningit one one thing that was wrong but overall it was a good story
Dewayne Mitchell
I think that the story was ok it wasn't a great one but it was ok, what you could have done to improve the story was read it after you was done writing it so that you could have made some corrections but other than that it was ok.
Sheena Johnson
I think that you had an ok story.
I also think that you should have read your story after you finished writing it.
I also think that your beginning, middle and end was mixed up.
I think that inorder for you to have improved your essay you should had read in over.
By: Jennifer Buchanan
I think that you knew what you wanted to say, but it just didn't come out correctly. I think you should work on your grammar because some of your words are kind of. Diane I think you should maybe brainstorm before you begin writing. It could really help you alot. Don't take my suggestions personal. They will only improve your writing
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