Gone ♥

 

At first it seemed far away, but then it was close. Too close. I saw the very bright yellow light, then we were hit. Before everything went black, I remembered.

 “Come on Jen! Just one party, it wont kill you to have fun for a change!” I yelled at my twin sister.

“Yes it will. Just leave me alone okay? I don’t want to go out, today was our last test, and I am tired. I’ve studied my brain off for the past week, and I just want to stay in this weekend, and sleep. Just go without me.” Said Jen across the hallway in our room. We had just finished taking our finals. Junior year finals, our hard work was tested to the last line. We had filled up those bubbles, read all those passages, and we were done. The most important school year of our lives was over.

“That’s the whole point! We just finished testing and it’s time to celebrate! It’s Matt’s party, and they’re always amazing! Just go with me this one time!” I pleaded.

This party was the famous end of the school year party. The most important one, the one that people would still be talking about on our first day of Senior year, and I just wanted us to be apart of it. Specially Jen, she deserves a break.

“You’re not going to drop it until I say yes, are you?” Jen looked at me in that , “okay you win”, look.

I smiled and shook my head.

“Okay, whatever. Just this one Jade, just this one! What should I wear?” Said Jen as she went over to her closet.

“Umm, wear my black dress with the red heels! It’s all the way to the left in my closet.” I said. That black dress was my favorite, it always looked amazing on both of us. We both had the same one, until Jen gave it away to charity.

“Jade, how do I look?” Said Jen across the hall. I looked over and said “Jen, you look perfect.” Jen and I have been told that we have this natural beauty. We don’t have to try, we just wake up beautiful. On Jen, I see it. Her perfect posture , caramel skin, beautiful  curves, and a petite face. You look at her and you see a fragile flower, scared that she might fall apart at any second, but then you take another look and you see the fierceness in her dark perfect brown eyes.

 After an hour of our finishing touches, we left. Matt’s cabin was an hour away, but it was worth it. His cabin was in the middle of the woods, it was always quiet and peaceful. A perfect place for a high school party.

 We got there and there was lines of parked cars. People outside drinking, acting like complete idiots, girls trying to act pretty, and rejects trying to get in. Typical high school party, but this, this one was different.

“JADE!”

“What?!” I jumped up.

“Just don’t leave me alone longer than 15  minutes, and don’t drink, I drove us here, you’re driving back.”

“Okay, mom.” I jokingly said to my sister.

 Lights, I saw more lights. These lights were really bright, but they were passing by above me. The smell, I knew this smell. It smelled clean. The hospital. Why was I here? There was no time for answers, before everything went black, I remembered. The car.

“Jade you better drink this water bottle, or else mom will know you've been drinking.” Said Jen, trying to drive and attend me at the same time.

“What happened?” I slurred, not remembering anything.

“You left me for 2 hours, and when I found you you were sleeping in the bathtub!”

“I’m sorry Jennnnn”

“Yeah just drink this water bottle, were a couple of blocks away.”

 I drank the water, but then I felt something. Something inside of me, I heard the faint noise of a truck. I looked to my left and was blinded by the light.  Beeeeeeeeeep.

…

I woke up in a hospital bed, with tubes all over me. It was raining outside, hard but quiet. I tried to sit up, but the pain jerked me back.

“Jade, stay still, I’ll adjust your bed.” Said my mom, Maya.

“What happened? Why am I here?” I asked my mom. Maya looked at me and the tears started falling, she looked behind her. I looked, and there was my other mom,  Sam.

 Maya and Sam were a couple since their freshman year in college. Once they graduated, they moved to an apartment smack center of New York City. Sam always wanted to be a mother, but she was never interested in guys. She got inseminated once, but had a miscarriage. Sam was crushed, again. Her life was a series of tragedies, she made her parents very disappointed when they found out she was gay. They had stopped talking for years, only to get a phone call saying that they had been killed in a car accident. Everything went downhill from that, she lost her job due to depression. Maya thought she would be in that state forever, until one evening they got a call from the orphanage. Two ten year old girl twins had been dropped off that morning. They needed a home, they couldn't say there, they were afraid. Maya knew, she knew right away. We were the answer. We would help Sam live again. So they brought us in, they explained, they made us feel welcomed. I remember the first few nights when Jen and I would just sit next to each other, not saying a single word, but just feeling the embrace of each other. We were scared, scared that something bad would happen again, scared that we would be hurt again. Slowly we started opening up. We trusted them, we loved them. They had given us love, something that was hard to find in our situation.

Sam was looking straight at me. She wasn't crying, she didn't look mad, she didn't look sad, she had a blank stare that was burning a hole in my heart.

“What happened?” I asked again.

“Jade, Jen.. Jen died.” Said Maya, tears running down her face.

Then I remembered, the party, the water bottle, the light, the pain. We were hit. We had been in a car accident, Jen.

“Jen is gone?! No, no, no, she can’t. She can’t. Jen can’t leave me, she can’t just leave me! She’s all I have, she’s my other half. She’s my sister! She is the only one that has been there for me, she’s the only one that’s left. She can’t… she can’t be dead…” I cried into my pillow. I can’t believe this, she’s gone and it’s all my fault. My fault for making her go to the party, my fault for drinking. It’s all my fault.

I looked up at Sam, and I saw her pain. I had ruined the only thing that she ever cared for, I ruined her. I broke her down, her world collapsed, again. It was all my fault.

“Mom, I am so so… sorry.” I said, tears immediately blurring my sight. Sam didn’t even blink. Maya went over and hugged her, and then she lost it. My mom’s sobs filled the room, and shattered my heart.

I was stuck in that hospital for 2 weeks, not once did Sam speak to me. She came in on my third day there, and just sat next to me. She took my hand, and just cried. We sat there, hand in hand for 2 hours. Then Sam just shook her head and left.

My first day home I went in the backyard, sat on the bitter cold grass, and stared up at the stars. Wishing things would go back to how they were. Wishing I had Jen by my side, telling me the history of stars, and pointing out constellations.

For the next two months I laid in my bed, slept most of my day, and cried. Cried for everything I had lost, cried for ruining my mom’s world, cried for the lives I had ruined, cried for Jen. I missed her so much.

The worst part of all of this? The people. My classmates, mom, counselor, friends, everyone. I was sick and tired of them saying everything was going to be better. Telling me that “something good will come out of this, everything happens for a reason, give it time.” They don’t know, they don’t know how it feels. They don’t understand, they just don’t.

The worst words of encouragement? Time heals everything.

No, it does not. Time? Oh, that precious thing called time. Time makes things worse, it makes you recount every single second of your life. It made me remember all the bad decisions, the accident, Jen. Oh Jen, every second that passed by my heart hurt a little more for Jen. My sister, my everything, my life. She was taken away, no, I gave her away. Time, time just made me even more depressed. It made me want to give up, made me want to leave.

Slowly, time went by, and still, nothing was fixed. I gave it time, I gave it a year. 365 days, 525,600 minutes, and nothing was better. I never thought I would be stuck in this place, in complete darkness, drowning in my own sorrow, but here I am. The darkness enclosing me in, shutting everything inside of me, making me want to leave and never come back.

Then everything changed.

…………