Overdose

The first time I overdosed , I felt nothing .

I didn't want to go to the emergency room ,

So I threw it all up .

I texted my dad ,

Saying I took too many pills ,

And everytime ive overdosed ,

I always down played it .

Ive always tried to act

Like it wasn't a big deal .

 

 That having urge to swallow a whole bottle of pills

Was something normal people do .

My dad hurried home and saw the empty bottle ,

And he shook me ,

I mumbled " I threw it all up "

He had to wake me up every 15 minutes ,

To make sure I was okay .

 

But let me tell you now ,

It was a big deal .

The third time I overdosed

I was at school.

They all knew I wasn't okay.

I slept in the office

I didn't want to go to the ER.

I just wanted to go home .

All I wanted to do was sleep.

But again , I just said ,

" I think I took to many pills this morning"

The fifth time I overdosed ,

My dad found the empty pill box ,

I hallucinated , I had a fever.

I couldn't move my legs .

All I could do is scream .

"don't take me to the hospital this time "

I became friends with a girl who had overdosed .

Shes one of my best friends now ,

When I heared she was hospitalized ,

It made me realize how real this really was.

 

A couple months ago , another friend overdosed .

Do you realize how fucked up this is ?

That ive done it so many times ,

That I know the exact procedure that shes going through ?

She messaged me saying ,

" I took took a bunch of pills ,

But I realized I didn't want to die ,

I don't know what do to anymore , help"

Now im screaming at her over the screen ,

That she should throw it all up and call 911,

Because sometimes when someone you love ,

Decided that they hate the world ,

That's all you can do ,

You cant teleport through the phone ,

Or travel through the internet.

You cant be there to hold them ,

Or take them to the hospital .

Your love is not charcoal that can

Absorb all their poison in their life.

I know , love that you would have done all you could.

Sometimes words aren't enough ,

Sometimes love isn't enough,

Sometimes a person needs to try dying

To know that that's not what they really want.

Theres nothing you could have done .

You've done all you could

Just keep loving them .

But you see the thing is,

I got lucky .

Ive made it back from 5 overdoses

Without a scratch on me .

But that's not always the case .

My teachers step daughter still has a scar on her heart,

To this day,

On the anniversary of her death ,

Her step mother stays hom,e from school ,

Her sisters in a bad mental state,

Her family has fallen apart ,

You overdose because you think

You'll get a peaceful release from death ,

But its not .

Its not like falling asleep .

Hollywood has you believing an overdose is how a lady should exit the world.

As quiet as she came in ,

Peaceful and untouched .

You will go out kicking and screaming ,

And wishing you hadn't taken them,

 

 

by:  Lilly gonzalez