Soul Searching Part I

"Dear Diary, I don't wanna keep s**t inside of me

I'd rather just speak to you privately

Maybe it's my mood as far as I can see

there's really no point in having this guy with me."

I'm confused...about us. I mean, we've done had this thing going on for a long ass time now and even though we always fall out sometimes, we end up back together. I can't take this anymore! One second it's, "I love you, baby." The next it's, "You treat me like shit." Well, now it's, "F*** you!". I'm tired of being the one who gets hurt. I'm tired of you and your "I love you's!" Nigga, you make me sick to my stomach! Yet, you make me feel all these damn emotions. I'm not trying to get hurt again, alright? I'm tired of you playing these mind games with me. You messing with me, man. Do you understand that?
I keep telling you this won't be easy the second time around, I hardened my heart, but you seem to be the only guy who can break me down and make me act like I lost my damn mind. Now, I can't even look you in the eyes. You happy? Hey, you spoiled me, I want too much in a guy. I have high standards. It's times where I miss the hell out of you, then it's times like now, where I wish you'd get out my life. I gave you the best of me and so many times you took that for granted. Yes, I know I take more than I give. That's just me!
What I'm really tired of is you and your lying. The sad part about it is, you think I don't know. How could you look me dead in the eye and say that? Is it really that easy? If so, than you must not "love me" as you say. You got me paranoid and I'm wondering if I should just end this right now. I really do. You know what? You ain't ever gonna find someone better than me! Never in your life! We had a connection! HAD! You destroyed us because you tried to turn me out. It didn't work and it's over now...

P.S. Sometimes, I wish my words didn't sound foriegn to my own ears and mind...